Peace to all,
I have a story that I am currently working on. This is a spin off from a short story from the “Judge Dredd's Untold Stories” (with permission from Rebellion A/S of course…) Already 6 chapters, here I present to all…
In the year 2100, there came a war never before witness by this part of the universe. The Great Wars. There were several of them and mine was with the Mars colonies. By the way, my name is Sarlenzar and I am what you might call a Tracker.
“Trackers are made, not born.”
And I am, by no means an exemption. Much training and experience do not make a good Tracker. It takes instinct and a lot of smart, witty and quick thinking to survive the exams and tests. Some of these tests are “live”, where an actual “bounty-hunt” is made for each Tracker just to gain experience, many “drop-out” at this stage. Not me. I went on to “graduate” as a Tracker.
My home planet, known as Mother Earth founded in the year 2020 by colonies and terra-farmers and populators is not far from Actual Earth. Many new planets were found and colonized. Anyway, that is just the beginning.
The Great Wars were actually initial stages that would lead to an invasion from the nearest galaxy: Alpha Gemini. There, lies a race of unknown origins as our satellites still have a ranging problem: emitting the wrong signals. They thought that our television signals work with all other life form, but not with the Vostokeans. They only know the meaning of two words known to human: invading and colonizing, to the extending of adapting technologies so that they can expand their existence. Cool uh? But not for us, Trackers. Now here is a tribe, if you can call us, who will not allow that to happen. Not to say that we love the universe, in fact during the War of Pluto, we were outcast by Earthen and Plutonian alike, saying that we, Trackers fight only for the money & bounty.
We lost the invasion and sign on an inter-galactic treaty, if you could that a treaty, more like an unconditional surrender to the Vostokeans. They colonize our universe, we give them our technology and everyone live in peace and harmony. Or so they thought…
Anyway, back to the Great Wars. We were involved in many campaigns. Outcasts like the humanoids and sub-androids, Trackers recluse into a world of their own. Then again there were many artificial worlds created to fight these Great Wars and many were not used to its fullest capacity and become refuge or relocations for all sorts of civilizations including Terras, Colonist, Hunters, Trackers, humanoids and sub-humans. I was fortunate to be with the fighters: The Rok’s Raiders and the uncharted Asteroid World. They do not regard me as a Tracker, but a scout. Now I call that respect, or is it?
Mega-City One. Asteroid World came close to Actual Earth and we saw the Mega-Cities lights from our screens. Stan-Lit Nitrate, number two with the Rok’s Raiders, wanted to go down for supplies, but was told to wait while I scout around. I moved out. Using a Trader Sail-Ship, I ported at Mega-City One spaceport. Registering at the main terminal, I looked up the trading list and found traders that would trade the Raider’s goods. They are at the Blue Horizon bar & cafe. I took a taxi to the Blue Horizon and walked right in. I then proceeded to order a small drink and was recommended to try the Shooter. It tasted like jelly, so I dunk it down with a single gulp. Then the usual trade list came on. This list, located on the Vid-Screen at the stage is where all traders, sellers and buyers look and trading begins.
A trader by the name of Hihar-Najiman traded me with his edible goods for some metal parts I was carrying. Another traded my steel cabinet frames for their lubricant oils. The trader in return for some arms took my stock of food from Planet SoFar. Now trading arms cannot be done at the cafe, so I was taken to the back of the cafe, in the alley. I know that the Authorities or the Judges, will come hard on these transactions, but I need arms for our Asteroid World. After looking at some blasters and short rounds, we disperse to avoid detection. The all-seeing-eye devices are everywhere, but we Trackers can cloak these devices so that they see nothing, hear nothing and leave us alone. The Judges normally partake in certain transactions that interest them, such as information for far off planets, new weaponry technologies and newer technologies in terra farming. After all, Trackers were invaluable ally during the Robo-Tek Wars. We were the best scouts as far as the Judges were concern and were invaluable to them. Ask Judge Dredd. He was my team leader when we were forced to chase some Robo-Tek into Cursed Earth right to Mega-City Three in New Texas. But that is another story.
huh? really serius thing? i will read this tomorrow,
really wish you'd seperate the paragraphs @___@
Anyways.. this is really interesting… but it's kind of rushing. Slow down a bit yea? And give a bit of suspense, and maybe some angst
Peace to you,
Thank you vulpine ninja for the comments, I will seperate the paragraphs on my next entry, Just in case I did not do it again, please remind me, thanks
The Tracker has gone into its 6th chapter in series, although very rough, many critical comments came from several of my pals who did some form of story telling. I agree with vulpine ninja about not having the 'Ommph' especially in the area of suspense and it is very rushing, trying to tell everything in one chapter. I will value those vulpine ninja's comments and hope to improve the Tracker's content, Insha-Allah. Once again, thank you.
Oh yeah, and another technique i often use is.. “Be the character”; which means, understand the character and tell the story as though you yourself are going through those obstacles.
Peace to you,
Yes, another valuable advice: Be the character.
I will be more sensitive towards the story line and get into the character like as though I am actually the Tracker itself (this because the tracker is multi-gender) I have a Character Card somewhere on my very CLEAN (and I actually mean the opposite 😆 ) table somewhere…
I will open the Character Card of the Tracker to give you a clearer picture of the Tracker, Okay?
Thank you once again for the valuable advice
Peace to all,
As promised, here is the Character Card for the Tracker…
It may looked long as I have taken some of the contenr from Dungeon & Dragon Character Development Template and I am currently studying Character Development on-line with an Animator at Canada.
Von Adler Von Hoth
Sarlenger Alkoined Domus.
42 earth years old.
House (if any):
Corrino. For a short period.
Faction (if any):
Intergalactic Colonial Pathfinder (Station 99).
Independent Private Tracker & Investigator.
Left Green, right blue.
Shoulder length. Always tied.
Skin Texture [ex. dry, smooth, etc]:
Hard, dry and with texture.
Shape of Nose:
Shape of Lips:
Shape of Eyes:
Small and slant.
Shape of Ears:
Size and Shape of Hands:
Size 5 and 5-fingers.
Size and Shape of Feet:
Size 8 Standard American size.
If female, musculature:
If male, musculature:
Medium-build, robust and slightly slouched.
Agile, silent and swift.
Blaster wound at left side on his face, burnt marks on the upper arms and surgical scar on right side hip.
Specific Physical Traits:
Dimples on both cheeks when smile.
Although Slightly slouch.
Rough and tough. Big, strong and muscular, built with portions of his body covered with circuitry for the extra technology. No artificial limbs, except for a snap-on living symbiotic element on his top section of his neck where the spine begins.
Most typical Clothing type:
Medium body amour taken from the Great Wars. With it comes several obsolete technology, among others are the Nort & South Great War equipment consisting of Gunnar, Helm & Pack.
Introvert, always keeping to himself.
Positive. Willing to go against odds. Not a gambler though, careful depending on situations.
Personality Quirks [ex. odd tendencies]:
– Very sarcastic.
– No nonsense.
To be at the least expected places.
Not known, but assumed to actually have had a family of two younger brothers and two younger sisters. If they exist, according to written proofs and certification, they would be;
1. Caren Allen Domus.
2. Cecil Abraham Domus.
3. Tracy Alahan Domus.
4. Tiara Amadeus Domus.
Salenger, being the eldest, has the honor of having Alkoined middle name, will be placed as a nameplate in the Hall of Trackers on Station 99. That is the way of the Tracker.
Family History [general overview of family life]:
-Son of Domus, a Generation Tracker, his mother is a Colony Terra-farmer. The Corporation has opened newer planets in the Alpha Century and had added seven new planets to the existing 9 planets making it a total of 15.
-The fifth planet that was referred to as the Station 99 was the birthplace of Sarlenger. Domus rarely comes home and his mother is always at the University researching. Growing up in an environment where all is taken care of, when the Great War of the Colonies broke out, all terra-farmers were rounded up to be de-classified including his mother, not willing to be de-classified, the whole family choose to be evicted into the Colony Universe, where life grew hard for the Domus family.
-Sarlenger grew to be a hard working terra-farmer and the time for him to be called as a Pathfinder for the Colony, he took up as a Space Pathfinder with ease. His father, a Tracker went to war against the ABC warriors and suffered ‘Battle Fatigue’, a post-traumatic syndrome and started to keep to himself. Sarlenger then went on from a Colony Pathfinder to become a Colony Defender. The the lure of the Spicing Guild called on his family to move to Arkeen, a desert planet known as Dune to many. Suddenly his life changed for the better. Things took off real good for them, and Sarlenger decided to move on. Leaving his family, he then graduated from the Tracker Academy and many stories of his exploits as a Tracker grew.
Place of Birth [what planet? city? etc]:
Mother Earth. Fifth planet from the Sun, Alpha Century. Known as Station 99, it started as a Science Research Station for Terra-Farmers and Populators. According to Greek mythology, origins of earth came from the bowls of Mother.
1. Collecting war souvenirs. During the Great Wars at Ion, he managed to obtain a unique souvenir known only as Morphing Suit. Also collected are War Weapons Technologies currently being used on himself and his surrounding.
2. During his exploits as a Tracker, he came across a database symbiotic element and after learning how to survive one, he clamps himself with it. It proven to be a great combination and the art of symbiotic techniques grew on him. Literally.
Fremen warm Spice Tea mixed with herbs.
Oreo Gan Drums.
– The Lost Scrolls of the Zen Sunni.
– The Ways of a Trackers.
– 1001 Poems of Gon.
– How to survive with a Symbiotic.
Weapon of Choice:
– Blasters and Lister Cannons.
– Morphing Suit.
– ABC (Atomic, Bacterial & Chemical) Helm, Pack & Gunnar.
– Symbiotic Element.
– LawGiver Ver 4.5 Experimental.
– Tactical Deep Space Warfare and Morphing Techniques.
– The Mega City Weaponry System.
– Symbiotic survival.
Stance on Violence:
Neutralist. Although has no feelings towards the assignments given, he has shown compassion to certain assignments.
– Ancient Fremen.
– Basic Galach.
Stance on the Bene Gesserit:
Having no faith on the Bene Gesserit, no person can convince him not even the Sisterhood. Reason is simple, he has seen religion rise and fall.
Stance on the Houses of the Landsraad:
As a bounty hunter, he would have not have any stance on the Houses, incline to be more towards the aboriginal clans such as the Fremen and the ZenSunni.
Stance on the Spacing Guild:
Manage to serve the Spacing Guild for a short time as a Spice Path finder. Richly rewarding, he holds no favors towards the Spacing Guild.
Stance on the Fremen:
Very close and vigilant when it comes to assignments the involve Fremen. Known to be an ally when it comes to assignment opposite a Fremen clan.
Stance on Mentats:
Human Computers. He looks forward when Mentats are involved. As a technology collector, he always pits his wits with a Mentat.
Stance on Technology:
An avid collector of technology, he will access any mainframe if the assignments allows. So far he has managed to obtain nearly every new form of technology.
Stance on Prescience:
Prescience to him is like another technology seeking opportunity. He would seek new techniques of prescience with fascination and full attention. Would like to hold many answers to prescience questions. Have enough to become the Keeper of Prescience.
Stance on Bene Tleilaxu:
The technology that holds the Bene together creates no interest to him. Symbiotic technology as the Bene Tleilaxu
The Guild. Corrupted and dishonest, the Guild has made him very cold towards several Houses, mainly House Atredies, where he serve shortly at House Corrino. Currently, he is serving with the Rok’s Raiders, renegade of the 12th Universe of the Vostokean Empire used to be known as Alpha Centuri.
Educational History [how much, what kind and where]:
– 21 years for the Intergalactic Pathfinders Education Level 17 at the Colony Training Academy.
– 12 years for the Basic Space Tracker Certification at the Inter-galactic space research center in the United Federation of Planets.
– 10 years for the Intermediate Space Tracker Certification at the Inter-galactic space research center in the United Federation of Planets.
– 7 years for the Advance Space Tracker Certification at the Inter-galactic space research center in the United Federation of Planets.
– Basic Mega-City Law Maker Certification.
– Advance Mega-City Law Maker Certification.
Romantic History [ex. married, single, etc]:
Claimed to be single, but rumors seems to leak out several wives (4 to be exact) and sire around 5 children. Lost all wives during the ABC Second Wars at the home planet of Station 99. He changed his outlook after his first soul search.
Not known although denied during his days as an Intergalactic Pathfinder, he met up with his ‘partner’, Siri Karen a Ioian from Io Moon off Saturn. She was a navigator for the Pathfinder Caron, a fighter cum cruise class for the Terra-Farmers.
Another case he was handling during the ABC Second War was Halo Jones, a Medical Grunt, fighting in the deserts of Bene. Closely linked to Halo Jones when they were caught in a sandstorm off planet Dune.
knowledgeable with the religion of Islam, ZenSunni and Charter of Muhammad (Hadith). Considered to be an Imam, but refute that claim and went on to become a Desert Warrior in the hey-days of the Fremen trilogy.
Level of “The Voice” Training:
Maintaining 7 kinds of swords including the famed KanaKata Version 8.
Prana Bindu Training:
Current Planet of Residence:
Asteroid World. A moveable planet used in the Great Wars of the Invasion of the Vostokeans. Once left deserted, the military installation still keeps arsenal of weapons and is used for shelter to several classes of sub-humans, including the famed Rok’s Raiders. Occasionally Asteroid World would receive other Worlds signals as there are a lot of these floating arsenals floating in space in other Universes.
Current Place of Residence [ex. Sietch Tabr, etc]:
Complex 7, Level 5,
South Block, The Dark Side,
Sector 5634 of Asteroid World.
Sietch or Tribal Knowledge?:
Mediated in the Caves of Birds with the ZenSunni before they were ‘Hijra’ to another Universe in the ‘Moving’ chapters.
Very knowledgeable in the area of the History of the ZenSunni.
Mega City One, Three and Melbourne Consurb locality mapping system.
Deep Desert Training with the Fremen at Arekeen.
9 years as House Corrino fort Lieutenant.
4 months as Cursed Earth Loader Driver for Mega-City Two.
5 years as Deputy Elementary Judge for Mega-City Two.
3 years as Desert Star Captain.
Political Career? [ex. CHOAM official]:
Make the universe a better place. Uh! We wish!
Retirement plans for him would be that he could open his own agency to train other Trackers and make lots and lots of money.
– Atredies Omni Thopter.
– Harkonen Pod.
– Mega City Judge Law Bike.
– Mega City Iso-Cube Loader.
– Mega City Taxi.
– Loader Class 2, 3,& 7.
– Fremen Work Thumper.
– Spice Harvester.
– Deep Space Loader Class 2,3 &7.
– Personnel Mine Layer Equipment.
– Cursed Earth Medical Expulsion Unit.
Any Unique Training? [ex. Poison Expert, etc]:
– Fremen Assassin Expert.
– Mega City Judge.
– Long Range Shooter Expert.
– Recon-spacer Expert.
– Deep Space Tracker Expert.
– Colony Recon Officer.
Travels [where? how long? what happened?]:
– Third Universe of the Sun. 17 years. Soul Searching to be initiated into the Tracker Guild. Managed to enter the Tracker Academy and graduated as a Colony Recon Officer.
– Planet Arekeen. 10 years. As a Tracker, he was fascinated by the technology and the religious factions that dwell on that planet. Serving shortly as a Lieutenant with the Desert Troops of Corrino, he saw the implications and the fall of a House when the Guilds took over the administration of Arekeen. Disillusion, he moved on.
– Earth. 12 years at Mega-City Two. As Training Judge, he was branded as ‘Quick Draw Judge’ by his fellow peers. Had to travel through to Mega-City one for medical supply when the biological dam of the Lost Hoover Canyon collapse and flooded the drinking waters of Mega-City Two. Followed Judge Dredd through Cursed Earth while serving Dredd’s sentence of 5 years education mutants of the Law. Reason: Soul Searching and technology hunting.
He is a Tracker by nature and will be a Tracker until the day he dies.
Sorry for the poor formatting, I tak biasa dengan this editor, lagi pun I 'copy & paste' from my Character Development file that I am currently on-line with my studies.
Please comment on the Character Card, I would appriciate constructive comments…
That's a lot to read (but you know… some people are just too lazy to read too much info).
But if you can draw, you don't need to describe his appearence… Just show the character thru your artwork… if you couldn't… then yeah, it's hard to visualise…
I didn't write like this for my characters… usually the general ones. Their developments are saved in my head… i'd probably should write them down too in case i forget… but remember, in stories, you don't need to explain too much on his history and attire. YOu can just tell his history through flashbacks.
Why don't you join http://www.fictionpress.com and submit your story there? I have my fictions there too, check 'em out (the link is in my signature).
Peace to you,
Thank you for your most valued comments, looks like you are the only one who are sensitive towards building a strong storyline, though I would like to hear from more of the Forum members…
I will surf the given address to see how my stories can be posted.
Once again, thank you Vulpine Ninja.
You can post as many stories as you like as long as you've registered. May i know your nickname there?
Oh yeah, btw; about the main character… the Tracker is middle-aged right? Personally, i prefer younger protagonists. why? Because youths are more active and have less experience. With a lack of experience, there are a lot of things to learn in his/her adventures. S/he will learn from his mistakes, from mentors and will grow mature by chapter. At the same time, readers too can learn from his/her experience.
If s/he's some older person, s/he already mature; s/he knows everything already and is wise enough to make decisions. This is suitable for mentors. That's why i usually pick these kind of ppl as a side character, a character that would give advice to the younger ones.
But then again, it's up to you. it all depends on how you deliver it
Peac to you,
In reply to your last entry, Vulpine Ninja, yes I agree that the Tracker is middle age… well, not all my stories goes to middle age persons. In this case like you mentioned in your last entry,
'But then again, it's up to you. it all depends on how you deliver it'
The Tracker is actually… me :>
I have been dying to tell a little about myself and so many adventures that I would like to experience via imagination and the tunnel of creativity through comics, is one of the reasons why I became a self made storyteller.
I am also working on another story where a group of youngster representing Malaysia in the future for a deadly game of grid that the winner of the game is rewarded by the United World, a piece of land. The story is called 'The Grid Riders of the Universe' and you need to imagine this:
How would travel in a grid in 2-D? As you are well aware that we live in a 3-D World. So the opening of the story would be something like this…
'Let the Games begin!' The loud speaker from the Grid Arena sounded. Cheering and mayhem in the grand stand of the Arena could be heard. Many representative from the continent were there, among them were the United States of the Philipines, New Singapore and Malaysia, the surviving country with it's original name still in place. As the players gathered around, Samad from the state of Perlis I. D. looked at his team mates.
'All right, lets play good, the newbies stay with me.'
As the horn blared, teams line up at the enterance if the grid. For the new players, it is going to be painful. For the veterans, just another day on the beach. The door slide open and the humming begin. The cheering toned down as one by one the players enter the door, converting themselves into a flat, 2 dimentional piece of matter into the grid. Some players scream during the convertion, some just cringe as though a layer of thin ice is applied to their body…
It's all about gaming in the future and this story is actually based on a lifestyle of what we call 'Grid Riding'. If you have read the novel 'Roller Ball', you could relate this story in that form of genre.
Hope I am not boring you, Vulpine Ninja, but there are a lot a story teller can tell and I could go on and on and on and on (just like a Battery TV Commercial!)
oh, i get it!!!
You're altering your biography, now why didn't you say so??
because, i am doing the same thing! 😆
This should be interesting…
But i haven't written the story yet. I have the plot set in my mind. I need to start from the beginning… i mean.. not since childhood lah… Since i start having my own thoughts rather than being a copycat.
Peace to all,
Update on the Tracker…
To date, the Tracker has a total of 8 books, each book with 13 to 15 chapters (all storyline only, not detailed yet…)
Book 1 – The Adventure begins
Book 2 – New Wave at Mega City 2
Book 3 – Lasting Cousins
Book 4 – Fremen Adventures
Book 5 – Lost City of Cannan
Book 6 – Soul Searching
Book 7 – Then There was Three
Book 8 – New Wave at Mega City (uh?)
Still working on their details story, many timelines crosses each other especially in Book 2 and Book 8.
Headache, Headache (: